tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10948559.post8434379655457152913..comments2024-02-08T21:51:21.368-06:00Comments on Emotional Abuse and Your Faith: Pastor, Faith Boards Online, and Church Community says NO HELP to Victim of Domestic ViolenceHannahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15165967476661656865noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10948559.post-65205730186073344482011-04-02T06:28:28.610-05:002011-04-02T06:28:28.610-05:00Wow, these comments are probably just the tip of t...Wow, these comments are probably just the tip of the iceberg. As I read each one, I wondered if I had written and forgotten, but of course, as I read, the details were different from my case. But there are so many similarities.<br /><br />Anonymous 8, I too determined to leave and stay left. It hasn't been easy, because he has been able to keep threatening me with finances. I have stayed home for a long time, and don't have qualifications to get a job, and with young children still, won't be able to do much about it yet. I am tempted to go back just to be able to survive. <br /><br />He really knows how to control, and although I have been able to let go of my marriage, friends, comfortable life and home, I am now struggling with the last two weapons of control - children and finances. I can't live without them.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10948559.post-29164807830002904752011-04-01T17:40:19.081-05:002011-04-01T17:40:19.081-05:00I was in an abusive relationship for close to 20 y...I was in an abusive relationship for close to 20 years. I am a Christian and I did not seek help from the church but 1 or 2 times as I was frustrated with the so called "help" from the ministers. One piece of good advice I did get was, do not keep leaving this man and returning. When you leave, be gone for good. After 3 returns, I left and never went back. it is extremenly hard to be a Christian,be married to an abuser and have children by him. To this day the violence has stopped, and I am weaning him off me,by not letting him into my home. I refuse to take calls from him, and I accept NOTHING FROM HIM. He pays child support and the child is old enough to drive and see him if they want. I sought the help of the YWCA each time I left and they really helped me to see by staying with him, I was becoming"SICK" in the cycle of violence and control too. I have been free from him long enough to get my life on track and stay away from that caustic relationship. I realize the trauma he experienced as a child was out of his control, which is why most abusers want to control others. Ask The Lord to help you leave and ask Him to make a way for you to go and STAY GONE.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10948559.post-28202402268661267522011-03-31T12:45:44.315-05:002011-03-31T12:45:44.315-05:00Anony 6 - that pastor is not educated in domestic ...Anony 6 - that pastor is not educated in domestic violence. Anyone knows you don't push, because the most important thing is choice. It needs to be the victims decision, because if it isn't? The chances are very high they will return under unhealthy circumstances. They are not ready to leave if they are not prepared for the abuser show that comes after you do leave. Preparation is key if you can do that. <br /><br />I would also recommend you speak to a lawyer for a free consultation. Abusers love to tell you they will leave you penniless, and they get it all. The lawyers can show you how to protect yourself. DV shelters at times have a list of lawyers that deal with DV.<br /><br />I'm sorry this happened to you. We as Christians are to follow up with action, and not just prayers. <br /><br />http://forums.our-place-online.net/index.php?<br /><br />Here is a forum online that will give you support, and do contact your local domestic violence shelter. They realize you will have to do this secretly as well.Hannahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15165967476661656865noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10948559.post-39355125819286094522011-03-31T07:48:58.423-05:002011-03-31T07:48:58.423-05:00I have been married 36 years to an abuser, and hav...I have been married 36 years to an abuser, and have spoken to numerous counselors and pastors also. My "husband" has kept me his prisoner through financial, physical, spiritual and emotional abuse. Whenever I found the strength to pull myself up and leave he would quit his job and threatened to take our children 3 states away; I could go or stay, but he ALWAYS took the children, so I ALWAYS went. Our children are grown now and the saga continues, except now he threatens to leave me in the streets with nothing. I pulled on every bit of strength I had, which wasn't much, and contacted a minister I knew through attending his church. He opened up our first meeting assuring me that he was educated in Domestic Violence. We had 2 meetings, which he knew I had to SNEAK to, and on the 3rd he told me I was basically on my own! He said he would NOT talk to me or help me anymore UNLESS I left my abuser. Said he would pray for me but that was all he could and would do if I continued to stay....and then he ushered me out of his office!<br /><br />I felt like I had NOW been abused again! In theory I totally understand what he was saying and agree with him, BUT, if he understood abuse as much as he claimed, he would understand it is NOT that black and white. My husband has taken everyone away from me, has left me in financial ruin, and I do NOT have anyone I can turn to. I turned to him to help me gain the strength I needed through his faith, friendship, support of the church community, AND his counseling expertise. He left me high and dry and threw me back to the "wolf in sheeps clothing." Does he not realize the strength it took me to admit what I live to him??? The embarassment, the pain in reliving it as I told him my story? He KNEW I had nowhere to go, and came to him to help me get strong again so I COULD leave. Instead I was abused again and feel weaker then I was BEFORE I searched out his council. And THAT, my friends is WHY women don't leave their abusers! It is STILL a man's world and most of the people you depend on for help; ministers, police, physicians, attorneys, DO NOT understand what it is, and down deep feel you must be deserving it! Not only do abusers have power inside of our homes but ALSO have power when we try to leave!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10948559.post-54395577194165088632008-07-15T08:09:00.000-05:002008-07-15T08:09:00.000-05:00Sorry! Timebomb isn't a good reason to STAY!Sorry...Sorry! Timebomb isn't a good reason to STAY!<BR/><BR/>Sorry for the mistake!Hannahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15165967476661656865noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10948559.post-40133780198425820262008-07-15T08:06:00.000-05:002008-07-15T08:06:00.000-05:00A time bomb isn't a good enough reason to leave. ...A time bomb isn't a good enough reason to leave. You don't solve anything by avoiding it. There is no way to stop it either - as I'm sure you have figured out as well.<BR/><BR/>I would tell you to contact your local crisis center - or DV shelter for help.<BR/><BR/>They should be calling OUT the sin, and not making comments about submission. This is about brokeness - not submission.Hannahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15165967476661656865noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10948559.post-43540743696860922152008-07-15T06:41:00.000-05:002008-07-15T06:41:00.000-05:00I agree that the church "should" be the first poin...I agree that the church "should" be the first point of call. however church leaders really need to be trained to deal with such an issue. I'm in the midst of an emotional abusive marriage i've gone to my church to be told to be patient and that i'm setting off a time bomb by asking husband to leave. It's gotten to the point where my husband knows he can just pick up the phone so i can be talked into submission. i feel so let down and don't know what to do.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10948559.post-62577210960498029562008-04-02T07:52:00.000-05:002008-04-02T07:52:00.000-05:00Thank you for your comment Katherine. I do agree ...Thank you for your comment Katherine. I do agree with you.<BR/><BR/>Please keep in mind everyone - this isn't a slam towards the church its a sad reality for me personally. I read about these types of things alot, and watch people wait for help they need that never really comes.<BR/><BR/>We have to keep in mind to watch for things that some are just not capable of giving. Its not bad - its just life. Its awful when they encourage you to wait on them, and that help never surfaces. Meanwhile your family is placed in a very dangerous position.Hannahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15165967476661656865noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10948559.post-21759140237368104712008-04-02T00:02:00.000-05:002008-04-02T00:02:00.000-05:00I read this article on "Sanctuary For The Abused a...I read this article on "Sanctuary For The Abused and posted a comment there. Then I came to your site and I would like to repeat my comment her, if you don't mind. Here it is:<BR/><BR/> I spent several years working at a church and <BR/> part of it as a church leader. My advice to<BR/> someone who is in a situation of domestic<BR/> violence (even it is is 'just' emotional) is SEEK<BR/> HELP FROM THE "SECULAR" WORLD = the ones<BR/> who are TRAINED to know how to help you and<BR/> what to recognize in the way of symptoms that<BR/> are fallout from the abuse in you and your<BR/> children. <BR/><BR/> Very few pastors and church leaders are trained<BR/> to help in this area and will put their doctrinal<BR/> spin on it at the cost of your sanity. They do not<BR/> want to "see" that people in their flock have<BR/> "those" kind of problems. <BR/><BR/> To those who say that these areas should be<BR/> handled with-in the church, I have this question.<BR/> If you are in an accident and break your leg, do<BR/> you have the ambulance rush you to your pastor<BR/> or your local emergency room? (If you said<BR/> pastor, you might want to consider a closer<BR/> examination of your church's control issues.)<BR/><BR/> If you seek those who are trained professionals<BR/> to tend to your physical injuries, why on earth<BR/> should you be expected to do any different for<BR/> emotional injuries?Jeannette Alteshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06574051760314762024noreply@blogger.com