tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10948559.post8101623579836959547..comments2024-02-08T21:51:21.368-06:00Comments on Emotional Abuse and Your Faith: No Place For AbuseHannahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15165967476661656865noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10948559.post-59550737799749932802010-12-17T07:57:29.159-06:002010-12-17T07:57:29.159-06:00Yes, it is strange how people do not read that cha...Yes, it is strange how people do not read that chapter of the bible with their 'God Hates Divorce' verse. God speaks out about the behavior, and the hearts of men (mankind really). The core of the chapter is about behavior or an major heart issue, and they make it about 'divorce'.<br /><br />Mal 2:17 You have wearied the Lord with your words. But you say, “How have we wearied him?” By saying, “Everyone who does evil is good in the sight of the Lord, and he delights in them.” Or by asking, “Where is the God of justice?” <br /><br />I know my mother's family was trapped in there is no way out, and danger was within their home. My grandmother died thinking she did her duty, and everyone stood clear of my grandfather. They end up helping no one, and yet think God delights in the fact they stayed married for 60+ years. The marriage was the crowning glory, but they ignore the evil that stood behind it.<br /><br />This thinking wearies the Lord. I think pride stops them from looking at Barbara's or Brewer's work. They would have to admit they and their forefathers were wrong. There is a bit more to the black and white thinking. Its easier to say people like them 'endorse' divorce than to deal with the truth they speak about.<br /><br />I remember reading an article that Piper wrote about an article Brewer had in a Christian Magazine. Piper basically said that Brewer handed everyone the right to divorce, and ignored everything else the man said.<br /><br />Fear, Pride, Enmeshment - I suppose they all play a part.Hannahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15165967476661656865noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10948559.post-11075496524307324342010-12-16T19:25:47.552-06:002010-12-16T19:25:47.552-06:00Hannah, I don't know if the root of that fear ...Hannah, I don't know if the root of that fear of endorsing divorce comes from a misunderstanding of Scripture. Of course, for pastors who are abusers, it is more of not wanting the women to leave. But for the others, they sincerely believe that the Bible does not endorse divorce because that doctrine has been taught so widely. So while they recognize times when it is dangerous for the women to stay, they still can't get around women divorcing. <br /><br />If the works of Instone-Brewer (Divorce and Remarriage in the Church) and Barbara Roberts (Not Under Bondage) are more pushed and recognized, people might change their mind. That verse from Mal 2:16 (God hates divorce) is often quoted but totally misunderstood. If that alone could be challenged, a lot of their arguments for trying to keep abused women in their marriages would break down.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10948559.post-76348073390216338992010-12-15T07:52:04.815-06:002010-12-15T07:52:04.815-06:00Well if that pastor has any salt within him he wil...Well if that pastor has any salt within him he will look into the bottleneck, and educate himself. I pray that he does indeed do that for the next person. If he can't humble himself enough to realize how much his church failed both of you - those in his leadership may never grasp it either. <br /><br />I think that is one of the biggies. They tell people 'not to keep up with the Jones', and yet they fear taking a stand and ruining their image. 'I might be seen as endorsing divorce' <br /><br />If their congregation is so black and white? They truly have bigger issues, and those will never get addressed either if you think about it.<br /><br />I pray that he takes his knowledge and uses it for good. I'm sorry you had to deal with this dynamic. I agree with your opinion, and a follower of Jesus is a good reference!Hannahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15165967476661656865noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10948559.post-4104007525509789112010-12-14T16:29:55.635-06:002010-12-14T16:29:55.635-06:00"Life doesn't always work with formulas. ..."Life doesn't always work with formulas. At times we must sadly allow the abuser to go on their way. The bible states that some will never follow. At times victims are to afraid to allow their abusers close again. We need to show them comfort to help get them over the fear, and not shame them for this."<br /><br />When my almost-ex left me and our boys 2 years ago after 20 years of an abusive marriage, I was told over and over by a few people from my old church (all men) that I just needed to forgive and forget, and reconcile because God hates divorce. I was told by these same men how they saw change in my husband, but when I refused to believe it because of the truth that the Lord was showing me, I was judged and condemned for just not trying to make the marriage work. :(<br /><br />I finally left that church last summer, but keep in touch with the pastor. Just recently I met with him to keep him up to date on what is happening re: our divorce (I just now filed) he had finally come to realize how my almost-ex had not really changed but was just talking it up. I finally shared with the pastor all that had happened two years ago with the way people from the church had treated me and what had really happened. He simply said, "I didn't know." <br /><br />The most judgmental and unforgiving people tend to be in the Christian community. I'm almost sad to refer to myself as a Christian and when people ask me if I am, I usually reply that I am a follower of Jesus.Amyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15107355327165282364noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10948559.post-65067574956298628042010-12-13T08:35:39.352-06:002010-12-13T08:35:39.352-06:00If I'm correct I think gotquestions is connect...If I'm correct I think gotquestions is connected to Focus on the Family, or James Dobson. I'm going by memory here with no coffee though!<br /><br />Jocelyn Anderson called them on some of their other ideas http://womansubmit.blogspot.com/2007/11/advice-that-can-get-woman-killed.html<br /><br />and then they changed their advice.<br /><br />http://womansubmit.blogspot.com/2008/02/response-from-dr-bill.html<br /><br />If you read the comments for both articles? They didn't go far enough to correct the mistake.<br /><br />The author of the articles still endorses 'love my be tough', which the advise was basically 'parroted' from. It seems they have one humble employee there, but it also seems he was forced to recommend the source anyway.<br /><br />If the organization was serious? They would have stripped the article, and left a letter of explanation.Hannahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15165967476661656865noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10948559.post-61509511791269953102010-12-13T07:48:59.745-06:002010-12-13T07:48:59.745-06:00Hannah, a supportive friend sent me that article b...Hannah, a supportive friend sent me that article before I left my abusive relationship. At that time, I was thrilled that a Christian article endorsed separation, because my advice was that I could not or should not separate.<br /><br />But reading another article on the site (gotquestions.org) about divorce for abuse concerned me. Although there isn't anywhere to respond or comment, there are contact details so you can write to them. That's what I did, and my concerns were exactly what you referred to. It is incredible how people dismiss the experience of the abused victim and deny her the right to judge or observe the abusers' changes. Her safety is also discounted, with the recommendation to reconcile taking priority as soon as things look "safe". There is no acknowledgement of the abusive cycle, or the manipulative tactics involved.<br /><br />But the great thing is that I saw the recommendation for that book and being new to all of this, I was hungry. One thing led to another, and I slowly gained more information and insight to abusive behavior, and eventually separated. <br /><br />Thanks for your post - if only more people challenged the type of thinking propagated by that article.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com