tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10948559.post7030845883573481646..comments2024-02-08T21:51:21.368-06:00Comments on Emotional Abuse and Your Faith: Communication Breakdown?Hannahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15165967476661656865noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10948559.post-29459427393721182812009-05-17T09:07:00.000-05:002009-05-17T09:07:00.000-05:00I do realize that BloggerT7165! I agree with you....I do realize that BloggerT7165! I agree with you.<br /><br />To be honest I was more speaking about the lousy advice this women got from (ahem) older christian women. They speak out of both sides of their mouth. You can't tell women to communicate because your husband doesn't have crystal ball, and then tell you to hush out submission..and expect that to make sense. lol!<br /><br />I think they use those terms to NOT deal with the abuse. No one can be healed, and nothing can get better if you ignore things. Their advice makes sure it isn't dealt with.<br /><br />I had a uncle that was a Pastor, missionary that was the sweetest person you could ever meet. I remember him commenting about this type of stuff that happened within his denomination. They encourage what I was speaking about here, and he said if he knew that ahead of time (years before..lol cystal ball deal) he never would have worked with them. He would have been upset if his wife would have taken this advice to heart.<br /><br />I have to tell you - I have seen just as lousy advice given to men in trouble. I have one gentlman that writes to me. He writes me about every 6 months now just to update me on his life after he got his children and himself OUT of the situation. She (wife) was a terror! They beat him up with lousy advice as well.<br /><br />I don't think anyone's safe with this type of thing happening. Lousy advice when it comes to abuse? Everyone is equal there. They church shows their fear of dealing with it when they provide this type of advice.Hannahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15165967476661656865noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10948559.post-90637600796398823972009-05-16T23:37:00.000-05:002009-05-16T23:37:00.000-05:00Just know that not all men have "headship and auth...Just know that not all men have "headship and authority" ingrained in them. My wife was in an abusive relationship with her ex-husband and when we got together I made it very clear to her that not only is a healthy relationship based on mutual respect but that it is not acceptable for anyone to treat another person in an abusive manner. My wife and I ask each other about plans but not for permission but out of courtesy and respect. After all these years I am extremely proud of the assertive, independent, yet caring and close woman my wife has become and at this point I think if I ever tried to pull the whole submission thing on her she would laugh and then have me checked to make sure I hadn't gone off the deep end.Rhiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04376021820621303030noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10948559.post-52122935857080518352009-05-14T07:53:00.000-05:002009-05-14T07:53:00.000-05:00I think people assume that if you air things you m...I think people assume that if you air things you must be a nag. I just love the stereotypes they place on people. I mean here we have the unquestionable, unapproachable head and authority, and the over emotional and nagging helper.<br /><br />You pigeon hole people in those places, and you will always have issues.<br /><br />Everyone should look to themselves first, but they assume most ladies don't look deep enough. Can't find anything? Its in there! Keep going!<br /><br />You hear quoted over and over again that being in submission isn't a natural thing for women. Its something they choose, grant, grow into, etc. God wouldn't hand over this to one without handing something to the other. Its strange how you see over and over again that headship and authority is ingrained in men. So one gender gets challeged by God and the other doesn't? I mean COME ON!Hannahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15165967476661656865noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10948559.post-59224348245401973822009-05-14T00:30:00.000-05:002009-05-14T00:30:00.000-05:00Hannah I really like the way you've pointed out th...Hannah I really like the way you've pointed out the contradictions in advice given to women.<br /> <br />"Communicate with your husband; he can't read your mind" versus "Don't tell your husband how his attitudes affect you; if you air reasonable complaints about his attitudes you are not being submissive." <br /><br />This is crazy-making stuff. No wonder victims often think they are going crazy!<br /><br />If there's a problem in a Christian marriage, the commonest response is to tell the woman she is not being submissive enough. But what would happen if Christian leaders routinely told men "If you think your wife is not being submissive, you need to listen to her complaints, and ask then yourself whether you are loving, honoring and protecting her enough."Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00710652037943503274noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10948559.post-18562734073370531052009-05-13T10:09:00.000-05:002009-05-13T10:09:00.000-05:00The bottom line is that a person who manipulates a...The bottom line is that a person who manipulates and controls others through guilt does not care if they are oppressing others. The feelings of others matter little or nothing to them. All that matters is that they get their way. This kind of self-centeredness is appalling in anyone but especially so in professing Christians. It is sin, pure and simple.<br /><br />As for the issue of a wife asking "permission" from her husband, this places her in a position of being a child in the family hierarchy—an elder child do doubt but a child nevertheless. And as Hannah pointed out, there is a reason for children asking permission. It is part of their training in preparation for the day when they no longer have to ask permission—for the day when they become "adults."<br /><br />Jocelyn Andersen<br />www.WomanSubmit.comJocelyn Andersenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17172491437262657745noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10948559.post-42665093751486154202009-05-13T10:08:00.000-05:002009-05-13T10:08:00.000-05:00The bottom line is that a person who manipulates a...The bottom line is that a person who manipulates and controls others through guilt does not care if they are oppressing others. The feelings of others matter little or nothing to them. All that matters is that they get their way. This kind of self-centeredness is appalling in anyone but especially so in professing Christians. It is sin, pure and simple.<br /><br />As for the issue of a wife asking "permission" from her husband, this places her in a position of being a child in the family hierarchy--an elder child do doubt but a child nevertheless. And as Hannah pointed out, there is a reason for children asking permission. It is part of their training in preparation for the day when they no longer have to ask permission--for the day when they become "adults."<br /><br />Jocelyn Andersen<br />www.WomanSubmit.comJocelyn Andersenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17172491437262657745noreply@blogger.com