Friday, October 31, 2008

Behind Closed Doors

2 comments Posted by Hannah at 3:55 PM

First Baptist Wilson posted a sermon on domestic violence.

Its called behind closed doors....its worth the read!

Thank you First Baptist Wilson for your inspiring sermon on domestic abuse!

Thursday, October 30, 2008

The Emotionally Destructive Relationship

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 8:37 PM

Leslie Vernick speaks on this program about 'The Emotionally Destructive Relationship'. I thought it was a very good discussion, and spoke about how we need to realize how we could be an enabler at times. Some people do take offense to that, but as I look back at my own life I was almost molded into that role. Heck I remember early on wondering if maybe I took being LADY LIKE to a harmful level! I mean people were encouraging me to be MORE so, and I felt I did that also...lol (giggles) I even remember trying to be Marsha Brady at one time just trying to fit into the mold of what would make things work! Okay! Maybe not funny, but I have to giggle at myself when I remember that part! The sad part is the extremes I went to, and the lies that were told to me! NOT ONCE could the possibility be MAYBE it wasn't ME to the extreme it was being stated. That's the part I think some of the simplistic advice givers don't realize! This two to tango deal when I was breaking under the pressure of being what was called of me! I heard that statement, and I felt helpless.

I could understand it after a while, and I was able to make changes within myself to make a big impact on my own life. Don't take it as a negative - take it as the light just went on now HOW do I change this so I can better my life! When you are dealing with domestic violence within your marriage, and see the TRUE role you had within it - NOT what others think you should be looking at it makes all the difference in the world! To me there is no shame in this - it just IS!


Add Time for Hope with Dr. Freda Crews to your page







I hope you find this video about the Emotionally Destructive Relationship helpful!

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Men's Pledge Against Domestic Violence

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 3:57 PM

GEORGE F. LEE / GLEE@STARBULLETIN.COM
Dozens of men attended a rally yesterday at Our Lady of Peace Cathedral committing to work against domestic violence. The event was sponsored by Catholic Charities Hawaii.

The Star Bulletin recently reported:


Men take pledge against rising domestic violence
A rally at Our Lady of Peace Cathedral brings religious and political leaders together

By Bali Fergusson
bfergusson@starbulletin.com

Dozens of men rallied yesterday against Hawaii's tide of domestic violence, which has already claimed the lives of eight women in the past 12 months.

The men, wearing the white ribbon of men against men's violence toward women, and bearing placards with anti-domestic violence slogans, recited a pledge:

"I pledge to seek equality and respect in all my relationships with women. I commit to lead by example and be a role model to other men and a mentor to our young generation in ways that create a future free of violence for women and children."

The rally included more than 20 community leaders, including legislators, clergy and prosecutors, at Our Lady of Peace Cathedral downtown.

"In the last 12 months, nine people have died (in domestic violence); eight were women," said Joe Bloom, of Catholic Charities Hawaii.

"Women have been doing the work for too long; now it's time for men to say, 'I don't believe in violence either,'" said rally participant the Rev. Al Miles, of Pacific Health Ministries. "We need everyone to join together."

Miles has seen many incidents of domestic violence through his work as a chaplain at the Queen's Medical Center.

Miles recounted how a female victim with numerous broken bones told the doctor she had "fallen down the stairs" but revealed to Miles her husband had hurled her down the stairs.

The most important issue is changing the prevailing societal attitudes, which Miles said permit domestic violence. We need to come to the point as a community where we do not tolerate violence and communicate this to all abusers, he explained.

"These men really do this because they can. It's not about what women do or don't do. No one deserves to be abused," Miles said.

Nanci Kriedman, chief executive officer of the Domestic Violence Action Center, was encouraged by the support from men. "This has always been seen as a women's issue, but it's really a community issue. The community consists of men and women," she said.

"The thing about the killings, if I'm a battered women and I see people getting killed, I either get inspired (to leave) or immobilized (by fear)," she said.

"We want to encourage the victims to call for assistance," Kriedman added.

Getting help
For confidential assistance with domestic violence, call the Domestic Violence Action Center's help line at 531-3771.

Thank you Star Bulletin for sharing this story! I do believe men and women everywhere need to stand up and be counted against domestic violence! This issue isn't about gender...its a human one!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Sermon on Domestic Violence

3 comments Posted by Hannah at 11:44 PM

International Student Chaplaincy (ISC) posted a sermon about domestic violence that I wanted to share today.


A Sermon by Rev. Waltraut Stroh. Held on the 9th March 2008, ISS, The Hague. The theme is the domestic violence.

A new letter of Paul to Christians in all continents

Dear brothers and sisters in our Lord Jesus Christ,

Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.
I received a letter signed by many sisters and some brothers from different countries asking for my opinion and advice on a family issue which they call domestic violence. I was shocked to read about the behaviour of many husbands all over the world. Therefore I write this letter and I strongly urge you to read it carefully.

My brothers, how can you treat your wives in such a way, beat them and misuse them? Were they not given to you by God? How can this happen within the church of Christ? Did you forget what I wrote earlier to you, that you are the body of Christ? That all parts are of equal importance and should be honoured equally? That if one part suffers, all the other parts suffer as well? How can you make your own body suffer? Did you forget that I wrote to the husbands to love thier wives as their own body?
And you, who are brothers or neighbours or colleagues of such husbands, do you say, “Am I my brother’s keeper? This is only a family affair”? Should you not bring your brother back to the right path?

I was even more shocked that many husbands use my letters as an argument to controle their wives and eventually even batter them. God behold. When did I ever allow a husband to beat his wife? Yes, I told the wives to submit to their husbands and to respect them. But does this allow men to treat women as slaves? Did you not continue to read what I told the husbands further, ‘love your wives and care for them’? Some of you may have paid a bride price when you got married. But this does not mean that your wives are your property. Each one of you, men and women, are the property of Christ. He paid for you with his own blood to make you free people. If I wrote to you earlier “it is for freedom that Christ has set us free” I dod not mean the freedom of men only. Respect therefore each other’s freedom. Through your faith in Christ Jesus you are all children of God. There is no difference between rich or poor, black or white, man or woman, not in the eyes of God. In the beginning God created man and woman in his own image. Discover the image of God in each other. Every stroke on your wife’s body is a stroke in the face of God.
I want to be clearer than in my letters before as they were misinterpreted. Hereby I tell the wives, ‘love and respect your husbands’ and I tell the husbands, ‘love and respect your wives’. Treat your partner as you want to be treated. Any other attitude does not come from Christ.

Some husbands refer to my letters and call themselves the head of the family. They use this argument to defend their dominant role. They controle and discipline their wives they way they like. When I wrote that the man is the head of the woman I referred to Christ as the head of the church. Christ is the head of all believers, women and men. But he is not a head that seeks control and power. Although he had divine authority he humbled himself to be a servant. He was prepared to suffer and to carry his cross. He sacrificed his life for our sake. Are you, men, willing to identify with Jesus, the humble servant? Or do you prefer to identify with Jesus, the Lord and Master? Why is the attitude of humility and servanthood mainly preached to women? Jesus told us that the church is different from the world. Whoever wants to be first must become a slave. Christian families and christian husbands should give an example.

You, who were baptized in the name of Christ must confirm yourself to him. Did you forget how Jesus allowed Mary of Bethany to be his disciple and called her sister Martha to give up the role of housewife? Did you forget how he was involved in a theological discussion with a samaritan woman at the well and with Martha at the grave of her brother Lazarus? How he praised the faith of a foreign woman whose daughter was sick and learned from her that his mission was beyond Israel? Jesus took women serious. Do you, my brothers, know better than Jesus?
And you, my sisters, don’t give up. Let yourselves be encouraged by the example of your sisters in Christ, the women who stayed close to Jesus in his hour of agony, the women who were the first witnesses of the resurrection, the women who became my coworkers and leaders in the christian churches: Priscilla and Phoebe, Lydia and Dorcas and many more. Without their strong commitment to the cause of the gospel my mission would not have succeeded.

Christ gave us the commandment “Love your neighbour as yourself”. Is your wife, is your husband not more than your neighbour? My dear brothers and sisters, let your hearts be filled by the love of God. Let this love be shown in your homes and in your behaviour as husbands and wives, as mothers and fathers to the glory of God.

Peace to you and grace to all who love our Lord Jesus Christ with unending love,

Paul
apostle and servant of Christ.


Thank you Rev. Waltraut Stroh for sharing this with the world!

Monday, October 27, 2008

The Role of God's people, Domestic Violence

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 8:21 AM

Taking Back Your Power had a very moving article about the Place of God's people within the role of domestic violence issues.


2 Samuel 22:1-3, 18, 48-50: And David spoke the words of the song to the Lord in the day that the Lord delivered him from the hands of his enemies and from the hand of Saul. He said, “The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold, and my refuge. My savior, you save me from violence…He delivered me from my strong enemy, from those who hated me, for they were too strong for me…The God who executes vengeance for me, and brings down peoples under me, who also brings me out from my enemies; you even lift me above those who rise up against me; you rescue me from the violent man. Therefore, I will give thanks to You, O Lord, among the nations, and I will sing praises to Your name.

In the scripture lesson today, King David sings a song of thanksgiving for God’s protection of him during times when violent men attempted to take his life. To take back his power, David took refuge in the God of his salvation, in whom he trusted. When David fled from the presence of Saul, one of the first places he went was to the tabernacle of God, where he found food and a weapon. Violent men attempted to take David’s power, due to jealousy and fear. Today, there are women in America suffering at the hands of violent men, due to issues of control and power. For many of them, the tabernacle of God has not proven to be a place of shelter and assistance. Indeed, too many battered and abused women are ill-advised by their religious leaders to return to abusive relationships, being told of a duty to honor marriage and accept these unbearable situations. It is time for faith-based organizations to become a refuge for individuals who are in relationships with persons “too strong” for them to cope with alone. The Church is to be a sanctuary where we as God’s own possessions go for help and comfort. Unless the Church becomes part of the solution to ending violence against women, this hate crime will continue to devastate women, their children, and yes, even the men themselves.



I think everyone realizes that I also think men that are caught up in this issue are also victims of the church, soceity, and ignorance over all as well!

There are three specific ways that God’s people can help women take back their power and stop this tsunami of hate that is created by the twin earthquakes of control and power. First, church leaders should socialize men that just because the Bible states “your wives,” it does not mean that women belong to men or are their property, or that men have a right to use violence to control women. They must remind men who use the biblical scriptures as justification for violence against women that Christ never hurt nor harmed the Church. Instead, Christ loved the Church so much that He gave His life for it. Ephesians 5:25 states, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” Further, Ephesians 5: 28-29 say, “So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, just as Christ also does the church.” Therefore, as believers, men are morally obligated not to abuse their wives; to do so constitute sin.

Also, faith-based communities must address violence against unmarried women. Because of the putatively “sinful” nature of the relationships, women cohabiting or in dating relationships have not found the empathy needed to leave these relationships and take back their power. We must give comfort and hope to everyone, for Romans 3:23 relates that “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” The lack of concern for unmarried women leaves many women without the support of their faith-based communities at the very time when support and understanding is greatly needed.

Second, to fully participate in the prevention and stopping of domestic violence, God’s people need to learn about domestic violence, its cause and consequences, and its effects on children. Too few faith-based leaders have taken courses on domestic violence. To advise victimized women to remain in abusive relationships without fully understanding the extent and etiology of the violence represents an injustice to women.

Third, God’s people must condemn domestic violence from the pulpit and the pews. It must be known that God does not condone violence in any form. Psalm 11:5 states, “The Lord tests the righteous and the wicked, and the one who loves violence His soul hates.” In many churches, women represent over 60 percent of the congregation, and in some Black churches, the percentage rises to more than 70 percent. Therefore, it is inconceivable that only women outside of faith-based communities are experiencing violence in their homes. Instead, it is more likely that victims and batterers are worshiping together in places of worship. To hear leaders denounce the abuse in places of worship would give women a sense that their concerns are valid, and that the violence in no way represents God’s love. For men to hear that the violence is morally wrong would reinforce the idea that violence against women is always wrong and will not be tolerated by God’s people.


The church to often condones violence by their reactions to it. Both sides of this issue - abused and abuser - need help in different realms. The way the church handles things alot of times neither side is handed to much at all. They are handed more things that are geared toward denial more than help. How sad!

PRAYER: Father God, thank you for your wondrous love for your children, and that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Today, we pray for the millions of women (author's note and men) enduring domestic violence. We ask that you touch the hearts of your people to help in ending violence in this land. It is our hope that women (and men) can find sanctuary and help in your house. Then with upraised voices we all can sing songs of praise to you for continuing to be our refuge and our shield. I called on you in my time of violence and you heard me and delivered me from the violent men in my life. You turned my life around and gave me hope. Like King David, I praise your holy name.



In Jesus’ Name,



Amen


AMEN!!!

The role of God's people within domestic violence circumstances must be updated, and I hope with time the church stops the denial comments and JUMPS on the bandwagon of helping the hurting and the oppressed!

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Pastor Crusades Against Domestic Violence

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 8:24 AM

The Chicago Defender wrote a story about a pastor that is taking up the cause of domestic violence within the church...and in LIFE! I applaud him for this stand, but I wish it didn't take the tragic events that he had to deal with in his neighborhood.

Richardson had never considered volunteering his service as an advocate against domestic violence. That is, until his neighbor, Patricia Marble, was murdered on July 11 and her boyfriend, Sampson Ashby, was arrested by police as the prime suspect.

Greatly disturbed by the incident, Richardson was determined to see what he could do to prevent such a tragedy from ever happening to anyone else in his community.


I hope other pastor's follow his lead, and don't wait until something awful has to happen! I know at times it does take this type of happening to open some eyes to the issue. I will admit that part! I hope Pastor Richardson has great success in his crusade against Domestic Violence!

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Mary Winkler has Custody of the Children

4 comments Posted by Hannah at 9:43 PM

I have to admit I was surprised when I read this recently. Don't know how I could have missed it, since it happened at the beginning of the month of August. Mary Winkler picked up her daughters from their grandparents and took them to her home in McMinnville, according to a newspaper report.

The Jackson Sun article mentioned:

The Commercial Appeal reported on its Web site that Winkler, who was convicted last year of killing her preacher husband, reached an agreement with her in-laws that allows the children to live with their mother. The newspaper cited an unnamed source in the report.


The grandparents are the ones that frought even supervised visitation, and wanted her parental rights taken away. Now they are in agreement that the children will live with her? You have to seriously wonder what happened there.

Dan and Diane Winkler of Huntingdon, the girls' paternal grandparents, took custody of the children following Mary Winkler's arrest in the slaying of their son, Matthew Winkler, in March of 2006. They did not return phone calls Saturday night.

The newspaper reported that no court order had been entered for a change in custody, and Friday night's move stemmed from an agreement between the Winklers and their former daughter-in-law.


If you read the comments from this article some people think they learned the truth, and others feel they were threatened in some way. Of course you have others that feel the court system has totally lost their minds. I'm sure the grandparents have support just like Mary has, so I don't believe the threats theory. I mean what possibly could they be threatening them with?

Matthew Winkler was the minister at Selmer's Fourth Street Church of Christ when he was shot to death in the church parsonage.

Mary Winkler was charged with first-degree murder and was convicted of voluntary manslaughter after convincing a jury that she had suffered years of physical and emotional abuse from her husband.

She has been in a custody battle with her in-laws and had received supervised visits with her daughters since September 2007.

Attorneys Kay Turner and Rachael Putnam, who represented Mary Winkler in the custody case, could not be reached for comment Saturday.

Attorney Steve Farese Sr., who represented Mary Winkler in her criminal case, said he could not talk about the custody case or confirm whether Mary Winker had her children.

"Neither I or (attorney) Leslie (Ballin) can speak about it, even though we were not involved in the custody case," Farese said in a phone interview Saturday afternoon. "I wish I could tell you something, but I can't. I would if I could."

A Carroll County judge ruled in September that Mary Winkler could begin visits with her daughters, but the grandparents appealed that order.

The Court of Appeals temporarily blocked the visits while considering the grandparents' request last year.

The court has since allowed Mary Winkler to see her children periodically. Times and conditions of those meetings are under court seal.

After leaving the courtroom in May, Winkler told the media she was glad to have the time with the girls - Patricia, 10; Mary Alice (Allie), 8; and Brianna, 3.

"I'm just thankful that my girls are able to be with me and I'm able to be with them," Mary Winkler said. "We're just moving forward to get back together and make our family and just love each other and take care of each other."

The Winklers have previously expressed concerns for the children.

They said they feared Mary Winkler's post-traumatic stress disorder and the dissociative episode or break from reality that she experienced in her husband's shooting could happen again.

Mary Winkler spent about five months in jail and about two months receiving mental health treatment in a group home after her conviction. She is on probation for the next two years and now lives and works in Warren County.


I have to say this whole ordeal has been one surprise after another. I never in a million years would have thought she would have got so little jail time after convicted. Then so little time at the mental facility.

After seeing the interview on Oprah, and then consulting with some domestic violence employees it seems her behavior on the show is typical. They also said it shows she hasn't got much help yet. They mentioned that her presence was something they deal with each day, and they hope that she finally gets the help she needs.

Some of the comments were enlightening.

Has anyone really stopped to consider why the Winklers would so suddenly apparently willingly give the girls back to Mary after having done all they previously did to keep her away? I have a theory... I think they came to the real knowledge of who their son really was. I don't know whether it was a result of them finally accepting what they already knew or maybe the girls getting old enough and brave enough to tell it, but I believe they must of surely come to realize that Mary is not the cold-blooded killer some of painted her to be. Think rationally for a moment- if you were in their position do you think you would even for a moment consider willingly give up custody to the woman who killed your son UNLESS you realized there was a reason she did what she did? Because they are not speaking publicly about this, we don't yet know why they have chosen to do this, but I think surely they had to have reached some point where they know Mary is not a cold-blooded murderer. I assure you I would do whatever was necessary to keep a child I loved from being in the care of a murderer. I certainly would never willingly release a child to the custody of one. I think the Winklers have come to realize who their son was. If that is true, they need prayers. How devastating it must be to know your son was a monster!


I just think the woman did what she had to do, and the grandparents realize their son was the monster he was, so to not portray themselves in that same light, they gave that woman back her children, where they rightfully belong, and this rhetoric about their safety needs to rest too because Mary will not ever hurt her children, she was just doing what she had to do for the safety of them and herself when she shot this abusive and cruel man pretending to be a man of God but was indeed the seed of satan. If God seen fit to allow her to kill this man, and allow this woman to have her kids back seems like to me the woman was vindicated for all the pain she endured. If the man was giving her no money, i would have bounced checks too to get what i needed to make my house run. I just dont believe this woman killed this man , wrote bad checks, and sheltered her children for no reason, there was a definite reason and a very strong motive to make a person create such a crime. The law found her guilty, and felt like the time she got was appropriate, and so do I, because if i was Judge, she wouldnt have done a day.


One that I have to admit I was a bit upset over was:

I am tired of women using abuse as a viable excuse to murder their husbands. It is a load of horse hockey 99% of the time. As a pastor's wife for 30 years, I have seen a LOT when it comes to domestic abuse. One of the most under-reported cases of abuse is when the wife is the abuser. Women are horrendous verbal and mental abusers - I used to live next door to a woman who was a horrendous abuser. She eventually lost her children to her husband because of her abuse.

Mary Winkler had every opportunity to leave and seek help. Don't give me the excuse that as a pastor's wife she didn't want to hurt the church or the ministry. If he was being abusive, YOU LEAVE. That's that. It's not just for her protection but also the children. As mothers, we have a responsibility to our children, and that means getting them OUT of a dangerous situation, not leaving them there to be exposed to it day after day. I have had my fair share of hard times in the ministry as well. Sure I've disagreed with my husband. Many women can't cut it or endure the financial pressures or living in a fishbowl. It is a hard life - but it can be rewarding and a blessing, too!

Unfortunately, I have seen my fair share of women who come to me and my husband claiming abuse, but it is a fabrication. Many women use it as an excuse to leave a marriage they don't want to be in anymore. One woman claimed abuse because her husband cut up her credit card because she had no self-control when it came to overspending on herself and their children.

I know that abuse does exist. But I also know that woman can be just as abusive or use it as an excuse. It is a terrible web to be caught in. I certainly hope these poor children have received good counseling. They will need it if they are going to live full-time with a woman who killed their father. God help them all.


The case aside for a moment - what an ignorant comment from a pastor's wife!

I hope Mary Winkler and her children get help. They are surely going to need it. I will be praying for them all, and that includes the grandparents. I'm not going to justify Mary Winkler's actions, but I do believe something happened in that house. Even Emotional Abuse within a marriage can tear a person down to do things that are extreme. Silence is how this case began, and look at how it ended. Now silence again - you have to wonder if Matthew Winkler's parents did indeed get some realization. WHY would they give up custody if they didn't?

I have to say I have really mixed feelings over this entire case.

The church at times tells you to go to christian counselors. MOST of them are not versed in abuse, and most of them have an agenda. MARRIAGE until death do you part!

Go to your PASTOR...well I have heard mutterings of the STUPIDEST remarks coming from pastors! I mean get this one: Maybe buy a new cookbook, and try some new meals to change his mood!

DV Shelters? They are the devil's palace! The feminist's haven! They talk you into divorce, and make it sound all Rosy!

Then you have the manipulation of scripture! LET ME TELL YOU... I could go on and ON!

Most people don't believe domestic violence happens within the church. They don't buy it. If someone mentions it - they are looking for the easy way out, and don't want to do the work.

There is a huge movement on the forefront right now to wake up and smell the coffee! You get into the deep south - and I lived there - it gets really nasty. Brainwashing? LOL I think so!

Do I feel she did it premeditated? Nope. I do believe she grabbed the gun out of anger - due to his past actions threatening HER with it! Pointing at him, and YES I do believe it went off without her truly thinking, "I will kill the bastard!" She said he knew about the check deal, and you know how abusers handle stress of that type! If she didn't tell him the bank DID - because that is how they do things down there! I don't honestly believe in my heart she did this on purpose. I just can't do it. LOL and I tried! I'm NOT saying she shouldn't do the time tho!

We read about the lies people believe when abusers tell them stuff. We realize how badly they can crush out spirits. I'm NOT going to sit here and justify what she did. I do think most of these types of crimes will happen within the church - due the atmosphere at times. They use spiritual pixie dust to fix things, because they don't know how to deal with it. Secular is the 'world', and they feel they are not of the 'world' so they can't take their help.

The papers said the in laws were afraid of her PTSD. Its like HOW do you think she got PTSD in the first place? Did it just POP up unexpected with no happenings? I bet they knew she was sick, and told her that she needed more faith in God to heal her. LOL I would bet money on it!

Desperate people do desperate things! LOL Not everyone is going to shoot their husbands.....I will hand you that!

I do think this case will be a tool for the future. LOL as a poster child? Not in the realm I read here in the thread! To be perfectly honest - I don't think most church goers know that the church is telling the women after being beat that she needs to go home out of roles and DOESN"T approach the man at all. I highly doubt they know the whole realm of things. They are only handed the tasty nuggets that look good on Sunday. This is only the beginning, and this will be another dagger stabbing the church in the heart. You can't live in denial forever! I can see something bigger coming down the pike. Its just a matter of time. To me? The church helped kill that man. They kill their own wounded at times. LOL NOT all for goodness sakes, but there are enough of them! I'm pissed at the church because they lied to me and others! I'm NOT mad at God because his word is clear! The church follows the 'word' in some circumstances, and twists it in others. That's human fault, and the up rising is coming. The sexual abuse within the church that you hear about is JUST the beginning! LOL I feel it in my bones!

In some ways - I think the church was also behind that trigger when it went off. Its not that easy to reach out when you live in a brainwashing fishbowl of a life! I just HOPE she gets healed, and she tells the story over again in that state. THEN she might be a good person for this end of the cause. My own grandfather beat my mom and my grandmother, and was leadership within the church. They knew also. Just like the catholics knew about the priests.

I have wonder after all this, and some clarity that 'outies' speak of came to her. lol then reminded her in laws of some things, and they didn't want to do that 'media' thing again. Handing over the kids was better than their image being destroyed!

lol I have so many mixed feelings over this! My prayers are with Mary Winkler, her children, and the inlaws. They have all endured so much, and I think the media made it worse!

Friday, October 24, 2008

Domestic Violence Ads with children - I guess the truth hurts!

1 comments Posted by Hannah at 7:13 PM


Dallas Domestic Violence Center has ads that have children in them.

FamilyPlace.Org placed some ads on the sides of buses within the Dallas area. You can click the link to see a news story about people's reactions to them.

I'm sure for some these are over the top, but the truth hurts at times.

I hope it does offend personally. Its reality....I would ask them, 'What do you plan to do about it?'

Children - no matter what the gender in the family that does the offending - do follow in their parents footsteps.

The truth hurts! YEP I went off my beaten path today!

Associated Press:

Associated Press - October 23, 2008 3:35 PM ET

DALLAS (AP) - A domestic violence shelter's new awareness campaign features ads on Dallas buses showing children -- and captions such as, "One day my husband will kill me."

The ads appear on and inside several Dallas Area Rapid Transit buses.

The executive director of The Family Place, Paige Flink says the ads are designed to shock people.

She told The Dallas Morning News that children are greatly affected by family violence, even though people think it's a man and a woman fighting.

One ad features a smiling young girl who's wearing a tiara next to the "One day my husband will kill me" caption.

Another features a boy, and says: "When I grow up, I will beat my wife."

The ads have prompted a few complaints. Two billboard companies refused to accept them.

The ads started running Oct. 1 and will appear through November.

Domestic Violence Ads with Children - The Truth hurts is what I say to the world!

Emotional Abuse and Your Faith Extra Resources

2 comments Posted by Hannah at 10:15 AM

I have a blog roll with relating sites regarding Abuse and Faith. I have been slowing adding to the list lately, because I had neglected for a while!

I wanted to point them out, and you can also see some others that have been there for a while. I will be adding more soon!

Links - I tried to place general links to places of interest!

Broken People

The Description:

This is a community for people who are struggling and searching. Life can be fine one day and unstable the next. Sometimes the people you count on the most let you down or abandon you. One day you have a good job and financial security; the next day you are homeless and destitute.

But in the midst of all your life storms, there is hope! You may find glimmers of hope here and there through the generosity and compassion of fellow travelers. But the hope you can count on for all eternity, that pulls you through the darkest night and deepest pit, comes only from one source--your Creator who made you and loves you.

I'm a broken, screwed-up daughter of Eve, but He has redeemed my brokenness and made me beautiful through the light of His love. I don't have all the answers, but I will share with you some of the lessons God has taught me through many failures and losses, as well as in significant successes and blessings.


PASCH or Peace and Safety

Description:

Peace and Safety in the Christian Home (PASCH) is a coalition of internationally renowned Christian researchers, scholars and theologians who have joined together to increase peace and safety in the Christian home and in the world it serves by addressing and decreasing domestic and sexual abuse in those homes.

PASCH seeks to accomplish this through:
Prayer: Our objective is to establish an international prayer network of people desiring to see domestic and sexual abuse eliminated in the Christian home and community.


Collaboration: Our objective is to identify and collaborate with already existing individuals and organizations committed to ending domestic and sexual abuse in the Christian home and community. Prayerfully, this may establish a central place to link Christians working to eliminate abuse.


Resources: Our objective is to identify and disseminate already existing resources that address our mission and to develop resources where none exist.


Education and Training: Our objectives are:


To raise awareness of the Biblical mandate for peace and safety in the Christian home and community.


To raise awareness of the extent of the problem of domestic and sexual abuse in the Christian community.


To provide education, training and resources that specifically address and provide solutions to the problem of abuse in the Christian home and community.


To host an international conference annually or bi-annually where Christian educators, theologians, service providers, clergy, para-church organizations, law enforcement personnel, and lay persons (both those providing help and needing help), can convene to create vision, share resources, and stimulate further advancement in the arena of ending domestic and sexual abuse in the Christian home and community.


Because It Matters

Danni speaks about abuse within the Church - because it matters! She addresses domestic violence, sexual abuse, spiritual abuse. She speaks out these matters in a very well written way, because most of the time it tends to be ignored.

Under the Resource Tab I have added:

Emotional Abuse

This is a good resource to use if you would like to SEE explanations of emotional abuse, and the dynamics.

The Weaker Vessel

Abuser Database

Rave

Description:

Do you want to learn more about how pastors and other religious leaders can respond to victims of domestic violence?

Are you interested in curriculum on family violence that is designed especially for clergy?

Do you have some questions about domestic abuse and communities of faith that you would like to research further?

Are you interested to learn more about how abuse impacts the average congregation?
IF so, our ONLINE TRAINING may be just right for you.


Men's Links -

Husband Abuse Blog

When Mom's the Abuser I wasnt sure where to stick this one, but it could be a good general link...and it speaks about women abusers!

Video Links

When Love Hurts: Understanding and Healing of Domestic Violence ..Direct Video Link at bottom

When Apologies are Dangerous - link at Bottom of post

Facing the Giants

Forgiveness - What is it?

Jerome Preacher Charged with Battery

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 1:02 AM

Bischop Accountability had an article about this pastor, and his charges of domestic violence among other things. Some of the quotes just really stuck me as odd!

But Ron told Nunnally that Darlene threw the first punch - though he admits that she was indeed resisting his sexual advances. He said he thought her reluctance was just part of a game until she hit him.

"That's when I realized this is crazy, what are we doing?" he told Nunnally. "I thought maybe I could make her do it รข€- but she didn't want to, so it just got physical from there."

He acknowledges that they fought and that he twice punched her, but he maintains that Darlene was the aggressor, that he never choked her or kept her from calling for help.


The article also speaks about how this had happened in the past, and how his wife didn't wish to risk his reputation as pastor. She didn't return the calls from the interview, but they spoke to others that had seen her bruised up before.

According the Magic Valley this isn't the first time he has been placed in this position of facing domestic violence charges.

Until Thursday, he had been charged with domestic battery, attempted strangulation, rape and sexual penetration with a foreign object - all felonies. Matheney was also charged with a misdemeanor, alleging he destroyed the phone line while she tried to call authorities.

In 1992, he received a withheld judgment in Florida on a domestic violence case and another charge was dismissed against the pastor in New Jersey.

In Thursday's plea-bargain, Matheney made an Alford plea, meaning he does not admit to committing the crime but he agrees that a jury may find him guilty.


In another article by Magic Valley during the trial he asked the court:

"My church is the victim ... I'm asking this court to help my church and help me and this community to heal."


His soon to be X wife stated:

Darlene Matheney said she was victimized by the reverend and still suffers physically and emotionally. She said she didn't want him to go to jail, but requested he receive psychological help. "I feel in myself a loss," she told the courtroom packed with parishioners. "I'm here because I loved him."

Jerome County Prosecutor Paul Krueger told the court Matheney has a prior record of spousal abuse and requested the two-year probation term.


I'm sure he feels he is innocent of the prior issue also right?

Of course his lawyer had to say something about Darlene:

Matheney's lawyer, Lisa Barini-Garcia, called Darlene Matheney "untruthful" and "deceitful" and asked for no probation and a withheld judgment.

Fifth District Court Judge Randy Stoker warned the courtroom against attacking Darlene Matheney's character. "We're not here to try Mrs. Matheney," he said, calling the case against Matheney "serious."


At the end he didn't walk away, but the church's reaction bothered me also:

A high ranking Presbyterian Church official was critical of the newspaper's coverage of Matheney's case. In a letter submitted to Judge Stoker., the Rev. Dale Carlson, general presbyter of Kendall for the U.S.A Presbyterian Church, said Jerome prosecutors tried to "coerce" Matheney into pleading guilty to a felony charge, according to June 26 letter. He called the criminal case an "overreaction" against Matheney.

Matheney continued to preach and work as a counselor as his criminal matter progressed through court, according to a letter to Stoker from church representatives in Jerome. "With our limited knowledge of the law we feel this case should have been formally dismissed, and we consider the results of the plea bargain to be a dismissal by another name," the letter states. "We see no reason why we should seek to change our relationship with him or why he should not remain our pastor."


This man had a prior conviction, they had hospital records, they had other people besides Darlene that had seen bruises beforehand....but all this is an overreaction! YIKES! I pray that this man does indeed get the help and healing he needs. They are truly enabling him, and NOT doing him any favors!

What does this man get as a reward after all this?

According to the MagicValley, and also reported on mountain goat report he is handed a new position at a private school!


The pastor, who maintains his innocence, is leaving his position, although in anything but disgrace. He will become a chaplain at a private school in Utah, the Wasatch Academy prep school in Mount Pleasant, who the Times reports, seem to be "excited for him starting."

Really? Is this how we still feel about domestic violence in 2008? The wife is essentially victimized twice, once by her abuser and a second time by the court. Meanwhile, the abuser continues to preach—what—love? Not exactly the way to encourage domestic violence victims to come forward, already a daunting enough task.


I would question if I would wish my children to attend the school myself. Chaplian twice convicted of domestic violence showing my children what? Its okay to do these things if you friends and supporters are willing to say in denial of your issues?

Its okay to say I hit my wife twice, but she hit me first? She was refusing my advantages, but I thought it was just a game until she hit me? She has medical reports showing things, and he admits things got crazy after he tried FORCE her to do it anyway...BUT remember she hit FIRST! As he mentioned his advantages that were unwelcome, and then the fact he decided that he could force her AFTER she hit him was justified also! I mean WHO think like that? A pastor that was charged with battery, and took the plead bargin because he knew he could be found quilty THAT's WHO!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Forgiveness - what is it really?

4 comments Posted by Hannah at 2:46 PM

So many times I have read or heard these messages of forgive and forget like God does. To me it seems like they don't wish to confront the sin as mentioned in Matthew. To me its a counterdiction of scripture. I mean which is it? Confront sin or forgive and forget? It seems to me this is handled upon the parties comfort level. If they don't wish to face the abuser - forgive and forget is used. We can forgive and forget as the saying goes if the person turns from their sin, but if they are constantly asking for forgiveness for the same sin? There is no heart change there, and that is what God asks of everyone. It seems discernment needs to be used.

Forgiveness to me is for US and not for anyone else! I see it as God's way of telling us he doesn't wish us to harbor contempt and other burdens that would hold us down. He wants us to let it go, and he asks us to pray for them to help us do just that! Forgiveness is a tool to have a heart change as God would wish us to have. Abusers will ask for forgiveness, and its NOT for them! They use this as a tool to wipe the slate clean, but God is asking for a heart change. He is asking that you turn from your sin, and you truly repent to him first, the person you hurt second, and you do your darnest to turn away from those sinful behaviors forever!

I see many churches adding burdens to the forgiveness that clearly aren't meant to be. It just makes things easier for them it seems, and forgetting tends to enable the sins to continue. If take the consequences away from the sinner do they truly learn? Some way, but most that are not repentive see this as a green light to continue. I mean where is the consequence for their actions? There isn't any! Trust is broken when the sin is always brought upon people, and trust and forgiveness are two different aspects. At times removed trust is the only safe option due to history. God may forget the sins, but we are NOT God!





Forgiveness is for YOU, and not the abuser in your life! Its for the heart change that God wishes us to have.

We are to forgive others because that is what God has asked us to do. The forgiveness is for US, and not for THEM! I think its because it would be easier to let go of the resentment, bitterness, etc. Things God doesn't wish us to hold on to.

The forgive and forget part? I don't buy that either. It enables people to continue to hurt you and others. We are to call out sin, and to stand against it. I think at times people ask you to forgive and forget because they don't know how to deal with it, and its easier to say that then to DEAL with it! If we are to just forgive and forget why would we need the verses in Matthew on how to confront people? lol kind of a counterdiction of either other!

God knows that some will not repent of their wrong doings towards others, but we can continue to pray for them - which God asks us to do. Again I think that helps us NOT hold on to the hurt, resentment, etc. That doesn't mean we would automatically trust the person. I see alot of people almost hint that if you don't trust the person - you haven't forgiven them fully. There are circumstances in which there are very sound reasons for not trusting them, and again I think its a way for people not wanting to get their hands dirty and deal with the uglies at times when they preach the if you have no trust you haven't forgiven!

A good restoration of a relationship starts with the party asking God first for forgiveness, asking for forgiveness towards the party they hurt...and turning away from that sin completely. Where it gets sticky is if they continue to do the sin that caused things, and all they keep doing is asking for forgiveness...and NOT doing any heart work! That's NOT genuine, and we have all seen people that do this. They truly have no drive towards change - they just want forgiveness. At that point they are NOT truly safe to be around. They are NOT a safe person, and yes trust isn't justified. That party sets themselves up for the consequences of that, and they have to learn to live with it also. I do agree that some will pressure you to keep letting go, but they aren't doing the sinner any favors by this guilt. People do learn by others allowing them to fall on their faces, and YES at times losing everything due to their sins.

We can forgive without trusting, and we do this so we don't' harbor feelings God doesn't wish us to harbor! We are NOT asked to forgive only after they other party repents...as I have also heard! lol think about how many don't? God wouldn't wish you to harbor things because it would just hinder your walk! People that demand forgiveness so they feel better about sinning against you don't grasp what forgiveness is about. Its not so they can feel better all the time - its so our heart stays where God can continue to mold us to me! Don't wait to forgive those that don't' wish to repent - that only hinders you!

lol I do agree that alot of advice at times does ask you to enable! I don't' quite understand it either at times. I think we grow when living the consequences at times. Humbling themselves is a good thing, and at times falling on our faces can spark that! If we keep forgiving and forgetting it doesn't always happen! We all need discernment when it comes to certain issues. At times you do forget because of the circumstances, and how they have turned from their sin. If they continue in the sin, and you are asked to forgive and forget on a constant basis I don't understand how people grow into better people if they are enabled to continue the sin, and how people seem to think this magical transformation is going to happen is pretty much insane to me. God allows consequences for a reason, and if we take those away..... I mean there are reasons consequences are there to begin with right? Do people seriously think everyone will learn without them? I know I have learned from consequences!

My thoughts on forgiveness!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Abuse Changes how you Grow

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 2:40 PM

I found this video on Godtube called "Abuse Changes how you Grow", and I realize she is speaking to those that have experience child abuse. To me it helped as I look back on my life, and look at other experiences I had in life. It also helps me view abusers in a different wasy as well. I think at times when you start to understand things you learn to deal with them differently. To me it helps shows me the brokeness of the person who feels they are strong...when they aren't.



You can move on and learn to view things in life in a healthier fashion. Abuse can warp how we view things, and so YES abuse does change how you grow!

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

October - Domestic Violence Awareness Walk

2 comments Posted by Hannah at 9:17 AM

Link to Me, Myself and I Blog post

A very touching story about a survior, and how she changed her life!

Since,I reflected on what I should say.I want to offer hope.

My life is as different as night and day since I was in shelter.Entering
shelter was the best gift I ever gave myself although I didn't see it that way
at the time.When I entered I couldn't have been lower physically,mentally,spiritually and financially.It was maybe the darkest time in my life.I was hopeless.I entered because I didn't know what else to do.I guess looking back it was the last of what survival instincts I had left.I was suicidal.Not that I was going to harm myself necessarily but it was more like if I was diagnosed with cancer I would have refused treatment;if I was going to be struck by a car I wouldn't have jumped out of the way.I was put on a suicide watch for 45 days.To say I was despondent would be an understatement.

I can recall my first time on the patio at the shelter after completing my intake and staring out into the distance wondering how I got to that place in my life.My life literally flashed before me like a slide show.I believed I was somehow a bad person because I was the common thread that ran through these experiences.My intake worker had commented that no I wasn't.It was a set of circumstances set into motion made early on by others that caused me to make wrong decisions in my life.That was so foreign to me at that moment.I was raised in a good home by two parents who were faithfully married until the passing of my Mother.I was raised Catholic and went to Catholic school.Catholics didn't have these kinds of situations.In my adult life I fell away from the Catholic faith but searched out and discovered my Christianity.If prayer would fix this kind of situation it would have been fixed 100 x's over.




And the poster ends...............


My hope for the victims living the life I used to is to have the courage to
implement a change in your own life.Call a shelter for help.A safety plan will
be formed to assist you to get out.

If I could survive it you can too.I had no money,no car,no home and no self-esteem.Not low self-esteem,none.I was sick,disabled and my nervous system was a wreck.There is hope;it doesn't get better overnight but it does get better and better than you could imagine it today.The help won't come to you by wishing it would.You have to take the action.It may the most courageous thing you ever do for yourself. You may think it just doesn't matter anymore.It always matters.You may think you are trying to keep the family together for your kids.You couldn't be doing something more harmful for your kids.The cycle will continue.Love your children enough to break the cycle if you can't do it for yourself.Be your own best friend.If you were
your best friend what would you advise your friend to do?

If you are a member in the community who believes domestic violence and abuse doesn't affect your life you are so wrong and ill informed.We all are affected.It happens in your neighborhood,every neighborhood.It affects the work place.It affects the schools.You pay for it through higher medical costs and hospital fees.You pay for it through law enforcement and the judicial system.The effect on humanity is uncalculated but it is high.The affect it has on humanity is profound.How may lives are not reaching their potential because of this situation.Society is affected as a whole.It's a blight on all of us while we stand by and do nothing.If there is nothing else you think you can do you can pray.Pray earnestly for the victims.Pray for the abusers.Chances are they were abused themselves.Not an excuse but a reason.

Adopt a family through your local domestic violence shelter and assist them to get back out into society and contribute to society.Make a donation to your local shelter.Call and ask what way you could help the most within your means.I can only hope my experience can help even one person to make a change in their life.



The post was very touching!!

Monday, October 20, 2008

Forgotten Victims of Domestic Violence - the Children

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 12:07 PM

As I read people of faith's reactions to those spouses that speak of domestic violence I have to wonder if they remember the what I feel is the forgotten victims of domestic violence...the children.

Ward of Court wrote a post recently, and I wonder at times if people that enable abusers stop to think about the children - and how this impacts their lifes greatly as well. It seems the author of this blog lost both her parents one night. Her mother was killed, and her father landed in prision.

This is the reason why I write about my mom. I want her example to shine brightly and help others being victimized by Domestic Violence. Although her murderer, my father, is about to leave prison with a whole life ahead of him, he hasn’t left behind a legacy. His life in my opinion is empty, wasted. My mother, although dead, will still live on as her example helps others. This will be her legacy – A legacy of self-discovery, self-love and resurrection. For many leaving an abusive insignificant other, the road ahead is a long, bumpy one that doesn’t seem to have an end. Many will become homeless, living in shelters as a result of escaping. But just compare your life before, living in utter anguish, walking on egg shells, afraid to breathe too hard for fear of setting off the abuser, to your life now, living in shelters, but protected and cared for and safe. I always say it’s better to live in a shack with someone you love than in a lavish mansion with someone you don’t love. The lover in this case is you. If we love ourselves, we will we do whatever it takes to preserve our quality of life and the lives of our children if there are any involved. So tonight, as every night, I will be remembering my mom whose life was cut short at the age of 49. If she was 79, it still would have been too short.


I would urge the church to listen to this young poster, and I for one pray for her and her family. What an awesome memorial for her mother!

People need to remember the forgotten victims of domestic violence - the children!

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Speak out about faith and domestic violence

2 comments Posted by Hannah at 11:56 AM

EDC Creations eSpot has an article about an author named Cheryl Lacy Donovan. Cheryl Donovan is the award winning author of Women What the Hell are You Thinking and the soon to be released Ministry of Motherhood.

I enjoyed this quote:

The bottom line is, love should never hurt. Domestic violence is never acceptable. It goes contrary to any religious teachings. Expecting a victim of domestic violence to simply pray about a situation and expect it to go away is ludacris. Encouraging a victim to keep the family together because it is what God would want is not scriptural or moral. Communities of faith need to open their eyes and understand the important role that they play in the fight against domestic violence. Training programs and outreach can assist congregants who may be experiencing physical or psychological abuse.


Good for Cheryl Donovan and her speaking out about faith and domestic violence!

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Violence within the Church

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 11:45 AM

SBC Impact has an article called, 'Violence in the Church - An Introduction'. They are looking for feedback, and I encourage my readers to hand them that! Domestic violence it seems to me is almost a foreign languange to others, and fear of NOT helping change things seems to be the trigger of NOT doing anything at all!

Here is a snippet:

Why it is untouched- I am thankful for the few churches and pastors giving serious attention to this problem. However, one of the questions that lingers is, “Why is so little attention given to this issue within the setting of the Church?” For me, in order to bring it successfully into the spotlight, I must first have a deep understanding of why it has not yet been in the spotlight. I offer three reasons and ask for others to offer more. I know many of you can help with that.

1. The theology and practice of marriage and divorce silently pushes us away from the issue of domestic violence. Slippery, but real, questions present themselves in this arena. Pastors literally spend hours trying to keep spouses together. Spending energy on a heavy issue that may cause a spouse to leave the home seems to emotionally split a pastor (it does me).

2. Domestic violence seems, to me, to be the most dangerous ethical issue a person can get involved with within the Church in America. The life threatening nature of getting involved with helping abused people break the cycle of violence at home is itself enough to mute voices and pause action.

3. Preaching, discussing or standing corporately against domestic violence does not fit well within the context of the rapid church growth machine. On a side note, it seems to me many other ethical issues are never put on the table for discussion and action for this same reason.


What are your thoughts of Violence within the church?

Monday, October 13, 2008

Faith Based Domestic Violence Abuser Database

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 7:33 AM

Because it matters posted a story about a domestic violence data base. I have to wonder what an uproar this is going to cause! I do think it is needed. What an awesome idea, and as

Alexis A. Moore mentioned it can be called "with a click of a mouse a life can be saved!"

I think that is true!

The weaker vessel's site states:

The name, "The Weaker Vessel", was derived from The Holy Bible, (I Peter Chapter 3 Verses 7-9) where The Word Of God explains how husbands and wives are to treat each other.

Verses 7,8 & 9 reads:

"Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto The Weaker Vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. Finally, be all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous. Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing; but contrariwise blessings; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing."

The Word Of God refers to wives as, The Weaker Vessel. This by no means, suggests that we are subservient, and not equal in knowledge to men. It means that in most cases men are physically stronger than women and our husbands should honor their wives as such...


Disclaimer:

The purpose and records contained herein are not meant to slander but are derived from actual court documents. The sole intent of this web-site is to contribute to the Prevention of Domestic Violence and Sexual Abuse of Women and Children Worldwide. All documents are a matter of Public Record.

Note: There are many persons who share like or similar names. In order to avoid misinterpretation of any public record, a concerned party should request a copy of the case file from the courts which will provide more identifying information. All criminal conviction records including orders of protection are public records which are compiled by the courts in each county state by state. Contact the county's court house directly to verify all information. If you have any further questions contact Weaker Vessel directly.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Men Women Domestic Violence

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 7:16 PM

In Middletown, T-shirts tell the stories of the abused.

See the link above to read the entire story! The picture showed to me a reminder of how this issue can effect generation to generation, and this is another portion I feel the church doesn't realize - or believes - and helps to render the growth and healing of all involved. How their opinions on how spouses should stay DOES effect the children, and they helped allow the cycle to continue in their children's lifes as well.

I felt this was a truly healing story, and I wanted to post about it. At the very end it speaks of a man trying to get a group together for men as well. How he volunteers because the effect of a coworker that couldn't come to work due to being beatup the night before.

New Horizons hosted the exhibit as a way to draw attention to the problem of domestic violence and its young victims - many of whom are children. October, if you didn't know it, is Domestic Violence Awareness month.

These T-shirts were created by survivors of domestic violence, both adults and children. Their messages provide me with a tiny, but poignant glimpse into the lives of those who have been abused.

"I miss my cats", "Mami, why don't you love me?", "I no longer live in misery, I'm free at last" are just a few of the messages displayed on the shirts. Another gave a short chronological history of one family's generational battle with domestic violence.

"It was very helpful," a young survivor of domestic violence told me, of the shirt she made.

This girl, who looked no more than 20, came to the exhibit with a friend who was pushing a smiling baby boy in a stroller. Both women said they are doing pretty good now that they are away from their abusers.

They'd be doing better if they could get jobs and a better place to live though.

"New Horizons, they help me with everything I need - shoes, clothes for the baby," the woman told me. "They helped me find a doctor, a psychologist and are helping me find housing."

Peter Spinner, the lone male volunteer for New Horizions, said he is trying to get a men's domestic violence group started. But it's hard, because men don't always feel comfortable coming forward to get help - these are the abused, not the abusers - although the abusers need help too.

Instead, Peter goes to them. When their domestic violence court cases come up, he approaches them and offers information on counseling and other services - maybe that group will come together some day?

"I got involved, because it's just an isse that makes me sick to my stomach," said Peter, who really started thinking about volunteering after a co-worker of his couldn't come to work one day after the beating she had recieved from a boyfriend.

To find out more about New Horizons programs or to volunteer, call 860-344-9599 - or if you are being abused by your partner, please call the Domestic Violence hotline at 888-774-2900.

Men Women Domestic Violence.......how it effects all of us.

Thursday, October 09, 2008

Domestic Violence Shelter gives Partners in Peace Awards to Churches

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 4:14 PM

The Courier News wrote about Domestic Violence Shelter that honored their partners that included churches, and other organizations.

By DENISE MORAN For The Courier News reports

To honor individuals and groups who have provided services to victims of domestic violence, Community Crisis Center Inc. of Elgin held its 18th annual Partners in Peace Breakfast this month at the Elgin Country Club.

Recipients of the 2008 Partners in Peace awards are Lorena Reyes, who handles nutrition and wellness at the crisis center; Mary Hodges, peer outreach coordinator at Open Door Clinic; First Congregational Church in West Dundee; United Way of Elgin; Kane County State's Attorney John Barsanti; Ketki Steffen, assistant state's attorney, Rolling Meadows; and Pastor Joel Kline of Highland Avenue Church of the Brethren in Elgin.

"The work of Community Crisis Center is so important," said Kline. "Domestic violence is frequently ignored and denied. People always assume it is happening somewhere else."

Senior Pastor Don Longbottom of First Congregational Church accepted the Partners in Peace award on behalf of his church. The church has been providing group counseling space and dinner to clients from the crisis center since July 2006.

"We are an inclusive community," Longbottom said. "We will continue to be the church that is part of the solution." He added that his church held a pig roast this month.

"We roasted a whole hog," he said. "When a third of it was left, we took it to the Community Crisis Center."

Hodges of Open Door Clinic was honored to receive the Partners in Peace award. Open Door Clinic works to improve the life of people affected and infected by HIV/AIDS and sexually transmitted infections. It is also dedicated to prevention of future transmissions.

"I love what I do," Hodges said. "When I'm at the clinic, I know there are issues women don't want to talk about."

Diane O'Connor, director of community impact at United Way of Elgin, accepted the award for United Way. During its Day of Caring, in addition to the many boxes of food it collected for the needy, United Way was able to donate two shopping carts full of diapers to the crisis center.

"We've learned it's impossible to counsel someone who has not eaten, lives in a car, or has no diapers for her baby," O'Connor said.

Community Crisis Center was founded in 1975 by volunteers to help those in crisis due to domestic violence, sexual assault or economic circumstances. It offers a 24-hour crisis hot line, information and referral; emergency shelter; individual and group counseling; medical, legal and welfare advocacy; emergency assistance with food, clothing, rent and utilities; and transitional housing.

Proceeds from Reruns, Too Thrift Shop, 1341 Manor Court in Elgin, will benefit the crisis center. Reruns, Too will hold its grand opening on Saturday. Hours will be from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. on Tuesday through Friday and 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. on Saturday. It is closed on Sunday and Monday.

There are a number of domestic violence awareness events in October.


Second Baptist Church in Elgin will hold a conference from 8 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. on Wednesday, Oct. 22. The subject will be "Developing a Ministry to Serve Those in an Abusive Relationship." The conference is being sponsored by the 16th Circuit Family Violence Coordinating Council.


• On Oct. 25 from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m., the Community Room at Gail Borden Public Library will feature displays, videos and crafts regarding "Standing Together Against Domestic Violence. Stand Up! Don't Stand By!"

This event is being co-sponsored by the library and the crisis center.


• The Feast for Peace on Oct. 28-29 will be recognized by participating area restaurants that will donate 15 percent of their profits on those two days to the crisis center.

For more information, call the Community Crisis Center at (847) 697-2380

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