First Baptist Wilson posted a sermon on domestic violence.
Its called behind closed doors....its worth the read!
Thank you First Baptist Wilson for your inspiring sermon on domestic abuse!
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2 Samuel 22:1-3, 18, 48-50: And David spoke the words of the song to the Lord in the day that the Lord delivered him from the hands of his enemies and from the hand of Saul. He said, “The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold, and my refuge. My savior, you save me from violence…He delivered me from my strong enemy, from those who hated me, for they were too strong for me…The God who executes vengeance for me, and brings down peoples under me, who also brings me out from my enemies; you even lift me above those who rise up against me; you rescue me from the violent man. Therefore, I will give thanks to You, O Lord, among the nations, and I will sing praises to Your name.
In the scripture lesson today, King David sings a song of thanksgiving for God’s protection of him during times when violent men attempted to take his life. To take back his power, David took refuge in the God of his salvation, in whom he trusted. When David fled from the presence of Saul, one of the first places he went was to the tabernacle of God, where he found food and a weapon. Violent men attempted to take David’s power, due to jealousy and fear. Today, there are women in America suffering at the hands of violent men, due to issues of control and power. For many of them, the tabernacle of God has not proven to be a place of shelter and assistance. Indeed, too many battered and abused women are ill-advised by their religious leaders to return to abusive relationships, being told of a duty to honor marriage and accept these unbearable situations. It is time for faith-based organizations to become a refuge for individuals who are in relationships with persons “too strong” for them to cope with alone. The Church is to be a sanctuary where we as God’s own possessions go for help and comfort. Unless the Church becomes part of the solution to ending violence against women, this hate crime will continue to devastate women, their children, and yes, even the men themselves.
There are three specific ways that God’s people can help women take back their power and stop this tsunami of hate that is created by the twin earthquakes of control and power. First, church leaders should socialize men that just because the Bible states “your wives,” it does not mean that women belong to men or are their property, or that men have a right to use violence to control women. They must remind men who use the biblical scriptures as justification for violence against women that Christ never hurt nor harmed the Church. Instead, Christ loved the Church so much that He gave His life for it. Ephesians 5:25 states, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” Further, Ephesians 5: 28-29 say, “So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, just as Christ also does the church.” Therefore, as believers, men are morally obligated not to abuse their wives; to do so constitute sin.
Also, faith-based communities must address violence against unmarried women. Because of the putatively “sinful” nature of the relationships, women cohabiting or in dating relationships have not found the empathy needed to leave these relationships and take back their power. We must give comfort and hope to everyone, for Romans 3:23 relates that “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” The lack of concern for unmarried women leaves many women without the support of their faith-based communities at the very time when support and understanding is greatly needed.
Second, to fully participate in the prevention and stopping of domestic violence, God’s people need to learn about domestic violence, its cause and consequences, and its effects on children. Too few faith-based leaders have taken courses on domestic violence. To advise victimized women to remain in abusive relationships without fully understanding the extent and etiology of the violence represents an injustice to women.
Third, God’s people must condemn domestic violence from the pulpit and the pews. It must be known that God does not condone violence in any form. Psalm 11:5 states, “The Lord tests the righteous and the wicked, and the one who loves violence His soul hates.” In many churches, women represent over 60 percent of the congregation, and in some Black churches, the percentage rises to more than 70 percent. Therefore, it is inconceivable that only women outside of faith-based communities are experiencing violence in their homes. Instead, it is more likely that victims and batterers are worshiping together in places of worship. To hear leaders denounce the abuse in places of worship would give women a sense that their concerns are valid, and that the violence in no way represents God’s love. For men to hear that the violence is morally wrong would reinforce the idea that violence against women is always wrong and will not be tolerated by God’s people.
PRAYER: Father God, thank you for your wondrous love for your children, and that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Today, we pray for the millions of women (author's note and men) enduring domestic violence. We ask that you touch the hearts of your people to help in ending violence in this land. It is our hope that women (and men) can find sanctuary and help in your house. Then with upraised voices we all can sing songs of praise to you for continuing to be our refuge and our shield. I called on you in my time of violence and you heard me and delivered me from the violent men in my life. You turned my life around and gave me hope. Like King David, I praise your holy name.
In Jesus’ Name,
Richardson had never considered volunteering his service as an advocate against domestic violence. That is, until his neighbor, Patricia Marble, was murdered on July 11 and her boyfriend, Sampson Ashby, was arrested by police as the prime suspect.
Greatly disturbed by the incident, Richardson was determined to see what he could do to prevent such a tragedy from ever happening to anyone else in his community.
The Commercial Appeal reported on its Web site that Winkler, who was convicted last year of killing her preacher husband, reached an agreement with her in-laws that allows the children to live with their mother. The newspaper cited an unnamed source in the report.
Dan and Diane Winkler of Huntingdon, the girls' paternal grandparents, took custody of the children following Mary Winkler's arrest in the slaying of their son, Matthew Winkler, in March of 2006. They did not return phone calls Saturday night.
The newspaper reported that no court order had been entered for a change in custody, and Friday night's move stemmed from an agreement between the Winklers and their former daughter-in-law.
Matthew Winkler was the minister at Selmer's Fourth Street Church of Christ when he was shot to death in the church parsonage.
Mary Winkler was charged with first-degree murder and was convicted of voluntary manslaughter after convincing a jury that she had suffered years of physical and emotional abuse from her husband.
She has been in a custody battle with her in-laws and had received supervised visits with her daughters since September 2007.
Attorneys Kay Turner and Rachael Putnam, who represented Mary Winkler in the custody case, could not be reached for comment Saturday.
Attorney Steve Farese Sr., who represented Mary Winkler in her criminal case, said he could not talk about the custody case or confirm whether Mary Winker had her children.
"Neither I or (attorney) Leslie (Ballin) can speak about it, even though we were not involved in the custody case," Farese said in a phone interview Saturday afternoon. "I wish I could tell you something, but I can't. I would if I could."
A Carroll County judge ruled in September that Mary Winkler could begin visits with her daughters, but the grandparents appealed that order.
The Court of Appeals temporarily blocked the visits while considering the grandparents' request last year.
The court has since allowed Mary Winkler to see her children periodically. Times and conditions of those meetings are under court seal.
After leaving the courtroom in May, Winkler told the media she was glad to have the time with the girls - Patricia, 10; Mary Alice (Allie), 8; and Brianna, 3.
"I'm just thankful that my girls are able to be with me and I'm able to be with them," Mary Winkler said. "We're just moving forward to get back together and make our family and just love each other and take care of each other."
The Winklers have previously expressed concerns for the children.
They said they feared Mary Winkler's post-traumatic stress disorder and the dissociative episode or break from reality that she experienced in her husband's shooting could happen again.
Mary Winkler spent about five months in jail and about two months receiving mental health treatment in a group home after her conviction. She is on probation for the next two years and now lives and works in Warren County.
Has anyone really stopped to consider why the Winklers would so suddenly apparently willingly give the girls back to Mary after having done all they previously did to keep her away? I have a theory... I think they came to the real knowledge of who their son really was. I don't know whether it was a result of them finally accepting what they already knew or maybe the girls getting old enough and brave enough to tell it, but I believe they must of surely come to realize that Mary is not the cold-blooded killer some of painted her to be. Think rationally for a moment- if you were in their position do you think you would even for a moment consider willingly give up custody to the woman who killed your son UNLESS you realized there was a reason she did what she did? Because they are not speaking publicly about this, we don't yet know why they have chosen to do this, but I think surely they had to have reached some point where they know Mary is not a cold-blooded murderer. I assure you I would do whatever was necessary to keep a child I loved from being in the care of a murderer. I certainly would never willingly release a child to the custody of one. I think the Winklers have come to realize who their son was. If that is true, they need prayers. How devastating it must be to know your son was a monster!
I just think the woman did what she had to do, and the grandparents realize their son was the monster he was, so to not portray themselves in that same light, they gave that woman back her children, where they rightfully belong, and this rhetoric about their safety needs to rest too because Mary will not ever hurt her children, she was just doing what she had to do for the safety of them and herself when she shot this abusive and cruel man pretending to be a man of God but was indeed the seed of satan. If God seen fit to allow her to kill this man, and allow this woman to have her kids back seems like to me the woman was vindicated for all the pain she endured. If the man was giving her no money, i would have bounced checks too to get what i needed to make my house run. I just dont believe this woman killed this man , wrote bad checks, and sheltered her children for no reason, there was a definite reason and a very strong motive to make a person create such a crime. The law found her guilty, and felt like the time she got was appropriate, and so do I, because if i was Judge, she wouldnt have done a day.
I am tired of women using abuse as a viable excuse to murder their husbands. It is a load of horse hockey 99% of the time. As a pastor's wife for 30 years, I have seen a LOT when it comes to domestic abuse. One of the most under-reported cases of abuse is when the wife is the abuser. Women are horrendous verbal and mental abusers - I used to live next door to a woman who was a horrendous abuser. She eventually lost her children to her husband because of her abuse.
Mary Winkler had every opportunity to leave and seek help. Don't give me the excuse that as a pastor's wife she didn't want to hurt the church or the ministry. If he was being abusive, YOU LEAVE. That's that. It's not just for her protection but also the children. As mothers, we have a responsibility to our children, and that means getting them OUT of a dangerous situation, not leaving them there to be exposed to it day after day. I have had my fair share of hard times in the ministry as well. Sure I've disagreed with my husband. Many women can't cut it or endure the financial pressures or living in a fishbowl. It is a hard life - but it can be rewarding and a blessing, too!
Unfortunately, I have seen my fair share of women who come to me and my husband claiming abuse, but it is a fabrication. Many women use it as an excuse to leave a marriage they don't want to be in anymore. One woman claimed abuse because her husband cut up her credit card because she had no self-control when it came to overspending on herself and their children.
I know that abuse does exist. But I also know that woman can be just as abusive or use it as an excuse. It is a terrible web to be caught in. I certainly hope these poor children have received good counseling. They will need it if they are going to live full-time with a woman who killed their father. God help them all.
This is a community for people who are struggling and searching. Life can be fine one day and unstable the next. Sometimes the people you count on the most let you down or abandon you. One day you have a good job and financial security; the next day you are homeless and destitute.
But in the midst of all your life storms, there is hope! You may find glimmers of hope here and there through the generosity and compassion of fellow travelers. But the hope you can count on for all eternity, that pulls you through the darkest night and deepest pit, comes only from one source--your Creator who made you and loves you.
I'm a broken, screwed-up daughter of Eve, but He has redeemed my brokenness and made me beautiful through the light of His love. I don't have all the answers, but I will share with you some of the lessons God has taught me through many failures and losses, as well as in significant successes and blessings.
Peace and Safety in the Christian Home (PASCH) is a coalition of internationally renowned Christian researchers, scholars and theologians who have joined together to increase peace and safety in the Christian home and in the world it serves by addressing and decreasing domestic and sexual abuse in those homes.
PASCH seeks to accomplish this through:
Prayer: Our objective is to establish an international prayer network of people desiring to see domestic and sexual abuse eliminated in the Christian home and community.
Collaboration: Our objective is to identify and collaborate with already existing individuals and organizations committed to ending domestic and sexual abuse in the Christian home and community. Prayerfully, this may establish a central place to link Christians working to eliminate abuse.
Resources: Our objective is to identify and disseminate already existing resources that address our mission and to develop resources where none exist.
Education and Training: Our objectives are:
To raise awareness of the Biblical mandate for peace and safety in the Christian home and community.
To raise awareness of the extent of the problem of domestic and sexual abuse in the Christian community.
To provide education, training and resources that specifically address and provide solutions to the problem of abuse in the Christian home and community.
To host an international conference annually or bi-annually where Christian educators, theologians, service providers, clergy, para-church organizations, law enforcement personnel, and lay persons (both those providing help and needing help), can convene to create vision, share resources, and stimulate further advancement in the arena of ending domestic and sexual abuse in the Christian home and community.
Do you want to learn more about how pastors and other religious leaders can respond to victims of domestic violence?
Are you interested in curriculum on family violence that is designed especially for clergy?
Do you have some questions about domestic abuse and communities of faith that you would like to research further?
Are you interested to learn more about how abuse impacts the average congregation?
IF so, our ONLINE TRAINING may be just right for you.
But Ron told Nunnally that Darlene threw the first punch - though he admits that she was indeed resisting his sexual advances. He said he thought her reluctance was just part of a game until she hit him.
"That's when I realized this is crazy, what are we doing?" he told Nunnally. "I thought maybe I could make her do it â€- but she didn't want to, so it just got physical from there."
He acknowledges that they fought and that he twice punched her, but he maintains that Darlene was the aggressor, that he never choked her or kept her from calling for help.
Until Thursday, he had been charged with domestic battery, attempted strangulation, rape and sexual penetration with a foreign object - all felonies. Matheney was also charged with a misdemeanor, alleging he destroyed the phone line while she tried to call authorities.
In 1992, he received a withheld judgment in Florida on a domestic violence case and another charge was dismissed against the pastor in New Jersey.
In Thursday's plea-bargain, Matheney made an Alford plea, meaning he does not admit to committing the crime but he agrees that a jury may find him guilty.
"My church is the victim ... I'm asking this court to help my church and help me and this community to heal."
Darlene Matheney said she was victimized by the reverend and still suffers physically and emotionally. She said she didn't want him to go to jail, but requested he receive psychological help. "I feel in myself a loss," she told the courtroom packed with parishioners. "I'm here because I loved him."
Jerome County Prosecutor Paul Krueger told the court Matheney has a prior record of spousal abuse and requested the two-year probation term.
Matheney's lawyer, Lisa Barini-Garcia, called Darlene Matheney "untruthful" and "deceitful" and asked for no probation and a withheld judgment.
Fifth District Court Judge Randy Stoker warned the courtroom against attacking Darlene Matheney's character. "We're not here to try Mrs. Matheney," he said, calling the case against Matheney "serious."
A high ranking Presbyterian Church official was critical of the newspaper's coverage of Matheney's case. In a letter submitted to Judge Stoker., the Rev. Dale Carlson, general presbyter of Kendall for the U.S.A Presbyterian Church, said Jerome prosecutors tried to "coerce" Matheney into pleading guilty to a felony charge, according to June 26 letter. He called the criminal case an "overreaction" against Matheney.
Matheney continued to preach and work as a counselor as his criminal matter progressed through court, according to a letter to Stoker from church representatives in Jerome. "With our limited knowledge of the law we feel this case should have been formally dismissed, and we consider the results of the plea bargain to be a dismissal by another name," the letter states. "We see no reason why we should seek to change our relationship with him or why he should not remain our pastor."
The pastor, who maintains his innocence, is leaving his position, although in anything but disgrace. He will become a chaplain at a private school in Utah, the Wasatch Academy prep school in Mount Pleasant, who the Times reports, seem to be "excited for him starting."
Really? Is this how we still feel about domestic violence in 2008? The wife is essentially victimized twice, once by her abuser and a second time by the court. Meanwhile, the abuser continues to preach—what—love? Not exactly the way to encourage domestic violence victims to come forward, already a daunting enough task.
Since,I reflected on what I should say.I want to offer hope.
My life is as different as night and day since I was in shelter.Entering
shelter was the best gift I ever gave myself although I didn't see it that way
at the time.When I entered I couldn't have been lower physically,mentally,spiritually and financially.It was maybe the darkest time in my life.I was hopeless.I entered because I didn't know what else to do.I guess looking back it was the last of what survival instincts I had left.I was suicidal.Not that I was going to harm myself necessarily but it was more like if I was diagnosed with cancer I would have refused treatment;if I was going to be struck by a car I wouldn't have jumped out of the way.I was put on a suicide watch for 45 days.To say I was despondent would be an understatement.
I can recall my first time on the patio at the shelter after completing my intake and staring out into the distance wondering how I got to that place in my life.My life literally flashed before me like a slide show.I believed I was somehow a bad person because I was the common thread that ran through these experiences.My intake worker had commented that no I wasn't.It was a set of circumstances set into motion made early on by others that caused me to make wrong decisions in my life.That was so foreign to me at that moment.I was raised in a good home by two parents who were faithfully married until the passing of my Mother.I was raised Catholic and went to Catholic school.Catholics didn't have these kinds of situations.In my adult life I fell away from the Catholic faith but searched out and discovered my Christianity.If prayer would fix this kind of situation it would have been fixed 100 x's over.
My hope for the victims living the life I used to is to have the courage to
implement a change in your own life.Call a shelter for help.A safety plan will
be formed to assist you to get out.
If I could survive it you can too.I had no money,no car,no home and no self-esteem.Not low self-esteem,none.I was sick,disabled and my nervous system was a wreck.There is hope;it doesn't get better overnight but it does get better and better than you could imagine it today.The help won't come to you by wishing it would.You have to take the action.It may the most courageous thing you ever do for yourself. You may think it just doesn't matter anymore.It always matters.You may think you are trying to keep the family together for your kids.You couldn't be doing something more harmful for your kids.The cycle will continue.Love your children enough to break the cycle if you can't do it for yourself.Be your own best friend.If you were
your best friend what would you advise your friend to do?
If you are a member in the community who believes domestic violence and abuse doesn't affect your life you are so wrong and ill informed.We all are affected.It happens in your neighborhood,every neighborhood.It affects the work place.It affects the schools.You pay for it through higher medical costs and hospital fees.You pay for it through law enforcement and the judicial system.The effect on humanity is uncalculated but it is high.The affect it has on humanity is profound.How may lives are not reaching their potential because of this situation.Society is affected as a whole.It's a blight on all of us while we stand by and do nothing.If there is nothing else you think you can do you can pray.Pray earnestly for the victims.Pray for the abusers.Chances are they were abused themselves.Not an excuse but a reason.
Adopt a family through your local domestic violence shelter and assist them to get back out into society and contribute to society.Make a donation to your local shelter.Call and ask what way you could help the most within your means.I can only hope my experience can help even one person to make a change in their life.
This is the reason why I write about my mom. I want her example to shine brightly and help others being victimized by Domestic Violence. Although her murderer, my father, is about to leave prison with a whole life ahead of him, he hasn’t left behind a legacy. His life in my opinion is empty, wasted. My mother, although dead, will still live on as her example helps others. This will be her legacy – A legacy of self-discovery, self-love and resurrection. For many leaving an abusive insignificant other, the road ahead is a long, bumpy one that doesn’t seem to have an end. Many will become homeless, living in shelters as a result of escaping. But just compare your life before, living in utter anguish, walking on egg shells, afraid to breathe too hard for fear of setting off the abuser, to your life now, living in shelters, but protected and cared for and safe. I always say it’s better to live in a shack with someone you love than in a lavish mansion with someone you don’t love. The lover in this case is you. If we love ourselves, we will we do whatever it takes to preserve our quality of life and the lives of our children if there are any involved. So tonight, as every night, I will be remembering my mom whose life was cut short at the age of 49. If she was 79, it still would have been too short.
The bottom line is, love should never hurt. Domestic violence is never acceptable. It goes contrary to any religious teachings. Expecting a victim of domestic violence to simply pray about a situation and expect it to go away is ludacris. Encouraging a victim to keep the family together because it is what God would want is not scriptural or moral. Communities of faith need to open their eyes and understand the important role that they play in the fight against domestic violence. Training programs and outreach can assist congregants who may be experiencing physical or psychological abuse.
Why it is untouched- I am thankful for the few churches and pastors giving serious attention to this problem. However, one of the questions that lingers is, “Why is so little attention given to this issue within the setting of the Church?” For me, in order to bring it successfully into the spotlight, I must first have a deep understanding of why it has not yet been in the spotlight. I offer three reasons and ask for others to offer more. I know many of you can help with that.
1. The theology and practice of marriage and divorce silently pushes us away from the issue of domestic violence. Slippery, but real, questions present themselves in this arena. Pastors literally spend hours trying to keep spouses together. Spending energy on a heavy issue that may cause a spouse to leave the home seems to emotionally split a pastor (it does me).
2. Domestic violence seems, to me, to be the most dangerous ethical issue a person can get involved with within the Church in America. The life threatening nature of getting involved with helping abused people break the cycle of violence at home is itself enough to mute voices and pause action.
3. Preaching, discussing or standing corporately against domestic violence does not fit well within the context of the rapid church growth machine. On a side note, it seems to me many other ethical issues are never put on the table for discussion and action for this same reason.
The name, "The Weaker Vessel", was derived from The Holy Bible, (I Peter Chapter 3 Verses 7-9) where The Word Of God explains how husbands and wives are to treat each other.
Verses 7,8 & 9 reads:
"Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto The Weaker Vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. Finally, be all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous. Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing; but contrariwise blessings; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing."
The Word Of God refers to wives as, The Weaker Vessel. This by no means, suggests that we are subservient, and not equal in knowledge to men. It means that in most cases men are physically stronger than women and our husbands should honor their wives as such...
The purpose and records contained herein are not meant to slander but are derived from actual court documents. The sole intent of this web-site is to contribute to the Prevention of Domestic Violence and Sexual Abuse of Women and Children Worldwide. All documents are a matter of Public Record.
Note: There are many persons who share like or similar names. In order to avoid misinterpretation of any public record, a concerned party should request a copy of the case file from the courts which will provide more identifying information. All criminal conviction records including orders of protection are public records which are compiled by the courts in each county state by state. Contact the county's court house directly to verify all information. If you have any further questions contact Weaker Vessel directly.